Okay, full disclosure time. As you may know, I’m a devout Christian, a Jesus freak. I love Jesus and God intensely, and they are top on my list of priorities in life. My greatest desire is to surrender my entire self to God and let Jesus live through me. Deny myself, surrender to God—a phrase that used to scare me, yet now it’s my greatest craving.
BUT, I’m also just a typical person, whatever that is. My life is full of problems. I don’t like work. I wish I had more money. My relationships are plagued with typical flaws, most minor, others not so.
I like to drink, alcohol that is. I’m not picky—wine, beer, and I haven’t yet tasted a hard liquor I don’t like. Sometimes I drink too much, and later, I’m not too sorry for it. Oh, and yes, I sometimes have impure thoughts (I’ll leave the nature of those to your imagination). I don’t think I would trust someone who claims they never have impure thoughts. Hey, we’re all broken, even those who pretend to be more holy than human.
Oh, and my mind tends to wander far from God at times. Well, most of the time actually. Every day I try to keep my mind more on Jesus and less on the world around me, but I fail. Every day I try to “do as Jesus would do,” but I fail. Every day I try to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and body, but it feels like I fail there too. I guess I’m just a messy Christian.
After knowing the totally human me, and later learning how much I love Jesus, new friends often look at me funny, like I’m a science project gone wrong, or a schizophrenic odd couple. On the outside, I don’t look like what they would expect from a Jesus freak.
BUT #2, all of my faults don’t seem to get in the way of my relationship with God and Jesus. I’m so grateful that God is in the forgiving business. No matter what I do, or how far my mind drifts away, God is always there, waiting for me to look back at Him. Oh, I tend to sense His displeasure with my behavior sometimes. But I also sense He’s more pleased with the fact I return my attention to Him, than He is unhappy with my thoughts or actions.
It all boils down to this: God and Jesus accept me just as I am, no matter what. And I love them all the more because of it. God also loves you just the way you are.
September 10, 2018 at 4:58 am
I love your blog and your honesty. Yes, it always seems a battle for us but I literally thank God the war has already been won. I have to remind myself of this every day, every hour every minute. For me it is just coming to comprehend and understand what HE did with my whole heart. And this is not easy given what this world and religion has ingrained over the years. Perhaps that is why Jesus told Nicodemus that which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. And again he said it is the Spirit that brings life; the flesh profiteth nothing: (and it never will) the words I speak to you are spirit and they are life. Paul said Flesh and blood can not inherit the kingdom of God. (And never will) All I know is the more I see Jesus, the more The Spirit reveals himself to me the things of this world fade away. And this is all done by the one who accepts me just as I am. Thank you so much for sharing. You are a very talented writer.
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